SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS

Here's the promised trailer from a few days ago for Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes sequel. If Hollywood does one thing right, it's that it doesn't mess with a good thing. The jokes, slo-mo shots, and detonations are almost carbon copies form the first (hell, even the font they use is an exact replica); but when you make 500 million the first go around, you don't wanna stir the pot too much.



Robert Downey Jr. (Holmes) and Jude Law (Dr. Watson) have obviously returned--seemingly to illustrate how they can't live without one another, regardless of how much peril they encounter while together. The back-and-forth nature of these two men's dialogue was one of the first film's high points. I believe I (and others) will be able to handle another few hours of inane banter.

Professor Moriarty (Holmes' intellectual equal, who was merely hinted at in the original) comes to the forefront, portrayed by Jared Harris; while Swedish import Noomi Rapace (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy) plays a mysterious (aren't they all?) gypsy named Sim--presumably taking over the vacated archetype that Rachel McAdams filled the last time.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows premieres December 16, 2011.

BLU-RAY RELEASE OF THE WEEK

A lot of slop this week. But when life gives you lemons, you watch Dinocroc vs. Supergator. After a scientist gets bored mutating fruit, he turns to reptiles and...well, he creates a dinocrocodile and a supergator. Then they get loose and start filling their voracious appetites with tourists, mercenaries, and yes, supermodels.

This is the third chapter after 2004's Dinocroc and 2007's Supergator. It's obvious that one genetically freakish beast isn't good enough. Can't wait for the next one: Dinocroc, Supergator and a Baby. 

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS

Here are the first one-sheets for Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Homes sequel. Pretty bland if you ask me. Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) and his trusted aide Dr. Watson (Jude Law) are in the forefront, while newcomers Jared Harris and Noomi Rapace as Moriarty and Sim respectively, idle in the background. (Click to enlarge.)

Rumour is that a trailer will precede Harry Potter 7 Part II, so we'll hope for better things once the pictures start moving.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows hits theatres December 16, 2011.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

If you need another reason to head to the theatre this week, The Dark Knight Rises--Christopher Nolan's closing chapter of his Batman vision--will debut its teaser trailer in front of screenings of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II. 

Easily one of the most anticipated films of 2012, Rises first look will apparently be 1:33 in length; plenty long enough to put the masses in a frenzy. 

The Dark Knight Rises arrives in theatres July 20, 2012.

BOND 23

Thankfully, with MGM's bankrupcy now alleviated, we can put focus back on the actual films being made; most notably, the new Bond flick. Daniel Craig is back and he's brought some friends. Javier Bardem (Vicky Cristina Barcelona) and Ralph Fiennes (In Bruges) have signed on to antagonize double oh seven, while Naomie Harris (28 Days Later) also is in talks to join the cast as fan favourite Moneypenny.

Director Sam Mendes (American Beauty) will start shooting later this year, in time for a November 9, 2012 release date. 

THE UNDEFEATED

Although, it's still up in the air whether or not she'll insert her name in the race for the 2012 Republican party, at least we get not one, but two documentaries about the former Alaskan governor and current farce, Sarah Palin. Curiously titled, The Undefeated (2008 wasn't that long ago, was it?), the film pegs Palin as someone who never backed down from a challenge, and stood up to the machine. Kinda like Michael Biehn from Terminator.

This is a pretty sad first look, regardless of whether your views sway more to donkey or elephant. If you're so inclined, you can see people telling you how great the woman is on July 15. I think Matt Damon said it best, when he described Palin in office as a bad Disney movie.


The Undefeated Teaser Trailer from Dain Valverde on Vimeo.

JULY FILMS TO SEE

The end of a ten-year saga about a boy wizard and his battle against an oddly pigmented, bald, magical Hitler? Check. Crazy, sexy twenty-somethings that must escape from a ghost, whilst being trapped inside a mental institution? Check. English teens and American buckaroos that encounter extraterrestrials on their home turf? Check. An underwear clad Jennifer Aniston, scarfing down bananas and hotdogs? Check. All that and more below.

July 8
Horrible Bosses
This falls under the "optimistic" category. Jason Sudeikis (quickly becoming the go-to guy for comedies, for better or for worse), Charlie Day and Jason Bateman play a trio of down-in-the-dumps employees who hate their bosses because they a) trick them into drinking (not so bad), b) want to have sex (umm...), and c) have a thing against the obese and crippled (alright, that's pretty mean).

Colin Farrell makes me laugh; here's hoping that all the funny lines aren't solely in the trailer.



See the rest after the break.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE -- GHOST PROTOCOL

Regardless of what you think of Tom Cruise (the Oprah couch jumping, his love for scientology, glib battles versus Matt Lauer, etc.), the dude can sell an action flick. The newest chapter of the Impossible Mission Force (you can tell it's an even number film because Cruise has long hair) sees Cruise's Ethan Hunt and his team being disavowed (once more) after being framed for blowing up the the Kremlin. Predictably, he kicks some ass, scales some buildings, explodes some stuff, shoots some guns. The usual.

Ving Rhames and Simon Pegg are back, along with the additions of Josh Holloway (tv's LOST), Jeremy Renner, and Paula Patton (zing!). They must use their considerable talents against the villainy of Anil Kapoor (Slumdog Millionaire) and Michael Nyqvist (Girl With the Dragon Tattoo trilogy).

Expect special effects, ninja moves and perhaps some double crosses. Directing is Brad Bird (The Incredibles), in his live-action debut.



Mission: Impossible -- Ghost Protocol arrives in theatres December 16, 2011.

ATTACK THE BLOCK

Having never been to London, what I know of it comes from television and film: fish and chips, strawberries and cream; a love for tennis and football. They have funny accents and use weird words like 'bobby' instead of 'policeman', 'boot' for 'trunk', and 'shag' for 'sex'. And now, after watching Attack the Block, I know not to fuck with the inner city youth--especially if you're from another planet.

It's a typical day at work for Moses and his crew. As night falls, they hide in the shadows like an intrusion of cockroaches, wrecking havoc on unsuspecting passerbys in the hopes of snatching a watch, or some loose change. Sam (Jodie Whitaker) is the unlucky victim; she is held-up by knifepoint, released of her belongings. In the middle of the assault, a meteorite pierces the calm sky, slamming into a nearby parked car.

Amid the chaos, Sam escapes, leaving the thugs to deal with the fallen debris. Moses searches the car for money. Intead he greeted by a creature, and a scratch across the face. In retaliation, he and his friends track down the beast and kill it, later, proudly showing it off to a group of girls. (Because nothing says love like an alien carcass.) Soon after, they travel back to their public housing (the block), to show their prize to Ron (Nick Frost), due to his love of "National Geographic," and a heavy supply of weed.

Their information session is soon interrupted as more alien-ites rain down upon fair London, and the boys--feeling particularly tough after dispatching of the first one--head out to bag some more. Baseball bats, samurai swords (awesome) and fireworks (odd) are grabbed for added support. Problems arise when this batch of baddies are bigger, blacker and with fluorescent glowing mouths. In a nutshell: the gang hightails it, Moses is pinched by the cops, the cops get killed by the extraterrestrials, everyone escapes back to the block to regroup.

The film's climax is a thrilling battle between teen and monster. The confines of the apartments are prison-like. The lack of space emphasizes an amount of claustrophia, only ampliphied by the presence of the hulking razor-toothed beasts. Ample amounts of blood is let (this is a horror film after all); losses happen on both fronts. Block was directed by Joe Cornish--a comedian associated with the Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) troupe. This is his debut, and an adept one at that. Audiences at the SXSW festival in early March caught the premiere and it has since caught fire. It opens in limited markets in late July. You should run to the theatres as quickly as these kids run from the bestial foreigners.

Most enjoyable is the fact that Block is equal parts eerie and humourous. Invasion meets situational comedy. I look forward to future viewings to (possibly with the subtitles on) catch more of the native dialect. Moses epitomizes the role of anti-hero. What begins as a means to preserve his own skin, soon morphs into a last stand to protect his turf and friends (and the world?). When trouble arises, I'd love to have him on my side, as long as I left my wristwatch at home. If that fails, there's always Ron's weed room.

HORRIBLE BOSSES

A final trailer--this time red-band--for the expletive laced comedy from director Seth Gordon. All signs point to good things here: a superb cast with Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, Jason Sudeikis, Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston (meh), and Jamie Foxx as "Muthafuckin' Jones."

Spacey and Farrell are certainly believable as dickheads (though I'd venture a guess that the Irishman has had more practice), while Aniston looks believable as a whore as she's downing phalic looking foods. Everything's peachy...until you see Brett Ratner listed as a producer, and instantly my optimism is zapped.



Horrible Bosses can be seen July 8, 2011.

FOOTLOOSE

Well, Footloose has a remake and a first trailer. For the uneducated: the original starred Kevin Bacon as Ren McCormack, a Chicagoan who moves to a small (see: batshit crazy) town that--after a car crash that killed some local teens--has banned rock-and-roll music and dancing. The two things that are obvious signs of the devil.

Ren however, puts up a big city middle finger to the man, by dating the hot daughter of the preacher who instilled the law, all the while dancing his way to personal redemption and bringing the townsfolk together, one hip thrust at a time. In case you were wondering, yes, this took place in 1984. 

The 2011 revival stars Kenny Wormald (who?), Julianne Hough, Dennis Quaid, and Andie McDowell. Most likely an indication of what's in store is the fact that Zac Efron (the leading man from High School Musical, High School Musical 2, and High School Musical 3: Senior Year) was offered and subsequently turned down the lead role. 

There's also a one-sheet after the break, which is definitely worth a look, because nothing says American muscle car like a Volkswagon beetle. 

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

When I was younger, I remember receiving a back issue of Giant Sized X-Men #1. Originally printed in 1975, it was the first appearance of now longtime favourites Storm, Colossus, and Nightcrawler among others. More importantly, it brought Wolverine (who was mildly known for battling the Hulk) into the mainstream. The issue was a comic version of a reboot--a kick in the ass, if you will--to a franchise, that while only twelve years old, was battling stale stories and lukewarm reviews.

The jumpstart was a huge success, with the X-Men titles (and there were a shload of 'em) hopping off the shelves. The franchise never looked back, eventually spawning multiple television shows, action figures, and four feature length films. It was a big rush when X-Men (2000) and X2: X-Men United (2003) finally hit the screen, all my most beloved characters expanding from the page to the screen. Then X-Men: The Last Stand came along and not only did the shit hit the fan, but it was set to high, and it splattered back in our faces many times over.

In many ways First Class is the film equivalent to Giant-Size. A chance for redemption aimed at the diehards, while also a way to attract some new viewers. To shake it up, the plot was sent back to the 1960's, in the height of JFK's reign and in the midst of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Magneto and Professor are back, albeit in much younger forms (Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy respectively). The film begins as the original X-Men did, with a flashback to 1945 as a young Erik Lensherr rips a fence to shreds, first realizing his magnetic prowess. Simultaneously, across the pond, a young Charles Xavier stumbles upon, and later reads the mind of a cachéd Raven Darkholme (later Mystique) who has taken refuge in Xavier's vast Westchester, New York mansion. 

In one of the more stronger sequences, we're shown a now adult Erik (Fassbender) who is on a personal crusade to murder all the Nazis that were behind his capture and the subsequent killing of his parents. Fassbender has seen a meteoric rise since his breakout role in Steve McQueen's Hunger. Since, he has starred in Fish Tank, Inglourious Basterds, and the most recent adaptation of Jane Eyre. There are whisperings of the German born actor taking over the mantle of James Bond after Daniel Craig leaves the perch. We should be so lucky. The range that he shows in a character that could very easily come off as cartoonish is electrifying. Personally, I would have loved to be a longer guest on Erik's hunt for the men who destroyed his life. As it is, what we do see is a man broken. He fills the void of his lost innocence with the blood of those that stole it. 

The man at the top of his hit list is Schmitt, later Sebastian Shaw: a mutant with the ability to absorb energy. This not only allows him to eat grenades (not a joke), but also grants him prolonged life. Shaw (a surprisingly great Kevin Bacon) has it in his mind that those will special gifts should be the one who inherit the earth, while us lowly humans should bow to their feet. His team consists of Riptide, who can create mini tornados from his palms; Azazel, a demon teleporter (and a severely underused Jason Flemyng); finally Emma Frost, a telepath with diamond-encrusted skin. She is played by January Jones whose apparent power is to wear revealing outfits and act monotonously. Jones is more than capable as the conflicted housewife Betty Francis (formerly Draper) in television's Mad Men. She does Class no favours however. Unless you count her cleavage--which is ample. 

I've mentioned Fassbender, but his counterpart in McAvoy is just as formidable. Charles Xavier is a brilliant mind, one of the brightest in the field of genetic mutations. As a young man though, he is brash and irresponsible, using his faculty to read women's minds for the strict goal of bedding them. His longtime relationship with Raven is something that differs from the source material, but nonethless flows seamlessly with the story. Charles sees her as only a friend; Raven wants something more. Ultimately, the conflicting viewpoints set the stage for the turmoil that encases their future selves. 

The tricky thing is that we know how these players and events end up. Professor X and Magneto become unfortunate enemies, the nukes never fire; that part is certain. What Class does is light the way on how they get there. It is through the capacity of director Matthew Vaughn and his writing team that we are able enjoy the foreseeable ride. After a failed attempt on Shaw's life, Erik and Charles meet and form a bond from particular needs. Here the narrative speeds up, when it's determined that more superpowered recruits are needed to foil the villain's plans. They pick up Havok, Banshee, Angel, and Darwin* with help from Dr. Hank McCoy (Nicholas Hoult)--a young scientist, who's afflicted with enormous feet and an even larger intellect. 

*I actually have a huge problem with the way he was handled. Darwin is named as such because he has the mutant power of adaptation, meaning that whatever the circumstance, his body will adjust to allow him to survive. Some examples: growing gills underwater, increasing his body mass in a fight, being able to float around IN SPACE. The dude is literally indestructible, probably immortal. So yeah, the way Darwin is treated really upset me. You'll see why.

Class develops into the inevitable battle between good versus evil, and although the lines aren't necessarily blurred, there are points of contention on both fronts. The CIA joins the fun, led by Rose Byrne and Oliver Platt, who inexplicably have stumbled upon the existence of mutantkind on an arbitrary stakeout of a posh nightclub. They spend the majority of the film looking dumbfounded and being in the wrong place at the wrong time. A few tense moments occur as the US and Russians stare down with air craft carriers and nuclear warheads. 

Class is not groundbreaking in any regard, but it's quality entertainment, and certainly a massive leap in the right direction for this Marvel property. There were some (valid) rumblings during production, when  Vaughn (Layer Cake, Kick-Ass) had less than a year to complete his vision. He has confidently quieted all the naysayers. The real world events seemlessly weave into the lives of the extraordinary. It's everything that a comic book movie should be (along with having the single best inclusion of the word 'fuck' in a PG-13 rated work). I'm curious once more to see what lies in store. 

GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

I don't have any kids, so I can't say I relate with the author. If this is anywhere close to what my future holds though, I could use Samuel L. Jackson's voice to put me to bed. The thesp and "muthafucka" aficionado narrates Adam Mansbach's children's story for adults to perfection and gives a glimpse to what we (supposedly) would love to say to kids who won't close their eyes when they're supposed to.

UPDATE: The Sam Jackson version has been removed for some silly reason. Instead, please enjoy another version courtesy of German director Werner Herzog.

THE GUARD

Gangs of New York, Harry Potter, Braveheart, 28 Days Later, Michael Collins, Kingdom of Heaven, (and to a lesser extent) Mission Impossible: II, Beowulf, Troy. Pretty impressive list, right? You'd think that whomever starred in a few of these, let alone all of them, would be a recognized leading man. But you'd be wrong.

Brendan Gleeson has been around for decades--mostly in supporting roles--but has still managed to remain largely anonymous for the duration of his career. Hopefully you've all seen In Bruges, the 2008 comedy about two hitmen who are stashed out in the Belgium city due to a botched assassination. Gleeson starred with the hit-and-miss Colin Farrell in what was a very funny film.

The Guard has Gleeson as a corrupt radical cop whose territory is broached by the visiting Don Cheadle (himself an overlooked actor), an FBI agent who tries to crack down on an international drug ring in the small Irish town.

GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

The red-band trailer seems to have been taken down (shame), there is a green-band one floating around now, which is practically the same save for a quick glimpse of nudity and a little less gore.



Also, if you like your NSFW posters completely free of graphics, you've come to the right place. We've already seen a few previous versions of this; here you get a full-sized model, complete with exposed, safety pin laced nipples and the wonky tag line: 'Evil Shall with Evil Be Expelled.'

A big stink has been raised about the sexuality of Rooney Mara's Lisbeth Salander, provided by the early looks. Anyone who's read the book would point out that Salander doesn't hide from that side of her self at all. The pint sized anti-heroine is anything but reserved, punching and sleeping her way to any info or release she needs.

Check out the one-sheet after the break. Again there's boobs, so be warned enjoy. 

BLU-RAY RELEASE OF THE WEEK

The role that should've snagged Jeff Bridges an Academy Award (over a pretty overrated Crazy Heart the year prior)--his Rooster Cogburn was an abrupt, magnetic, beautiful mess. Easily the most memorable performance from the past season; one that made you forget about the iconic John Wayne's 1969 Oscar winning performance for the parallel character.

As usual, the Coen brothers bring the goods, taking a run-of-the-mill country western story and making it distinct. Matt Damon is pretty much the surest thing in Hollywood at the moment. His LeBoeuf is a Texas Ranger who joins Rooster and Mattie Ross (Hailee Steinfeld) on the hunt for the murder of the young girl's father. 

The biggest difference I found was the level of comedy that was saturated throughout. Damon especially stands out: his one-liners--usually leveled at Bridges--were many times laugh out loud funny. Bridges, I've talked about. This performance seems to be the kind that actors truly enjoy. It's evident in every scene he's in that he's loving what he's doing. A fact that's generally missing in films nowadays. He is most definitely the star, but Steinfeld is a refreshing face, and someone to watch in the future. I would have given her the golden statue over the irritating and maniacal Melissa Leo. 

LAST NIGHT

We're invited into the lives of Michael and Joanna, inside their exceptional apartment. As anyone in New York City knows, prime real estate is hard to come by. (And man, their place is nice. Exquisite countertops, an open kitchen. Plus, they have tons of space, which is an oxymoron in NYC.) Michael is a commercial real estate agent, while Joanna is a author. These two are married. We know this because they're arguing (heh).

Having recently been hitched, I've come to learn that marital spats happen for two reasons, and two reasons only: money and women. For this couple it's the latter. You see, Michael has an attractive co-worker (Eva Mendes) which leads to speculation and insecurity. The two go in circles over who said what, and if anyone put something someplace; although they soon reconcile over veneered smiles and scrambled eggs (not a euphemism).

Michael is played by Sam Worthington, who has made his mark in Hollywood as the 'it action guy.' Here he is soft and sensitive; though he still hasn't found a role his Australian accent didn't like. After the quarrel, Michael goes on another business trip away from the watching eyes of his wife and into the gaze of his would-be paramour.

Joanna (Keira Knightley) for her part has further issues to address: writing block afflicts her attempts on a follow-up novel. Confronting Michael has only served to compact her internal struggles to be creative. While clearing her head, she serendipitously bumps into a former flame (Guillaume Canet) who is here on business. Joanna and Alex decide to meet for dinner and drinks later. She's lonely and he's French. What could possibly go wrong?

Night jumps back-and-forth between the decisions made by Michael and Joanna. Ultimately, this is where the film reveals its major faults. Canet (who is the best of the four by far) and Knightley play cutesy while sipping expensive wine and lamenting about the past, while Mendes practically throws her panties at Michael in an attempt to feel better about herself. All sense of intrigue and seduction is thrown out the window, leaving room for force-fed sympathic stories of failed romance and questionable decision making. Speaking of such, one person strays, but I'll leave it to you to figure out who, between the Parisian or the Latina does the best wrecking ball impression.

The film, directed by Massy Tadjedin, relies on whether or not we care about these goodlooking people and their trivial problems. You can probably decide for yourselves what side I'm on. This would probably work as a short, but as a feature-length production it misses the mark severely. The city of New York is the real and only star here. As usual, the streets and cityscapes paint a stunning portrait that completely overshadows the people showcased within her. When you leave the theatre thinking of sidewalks, buildings, and housing arrangements, the message has been lost.

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE II (FULL SEGMENT)

In 2009, the First Segment showed us that a crazed German doctor kidnapping three young adults and sewing anuses to mouth can add up to some captivating (and overly scrutinized) entertainment. The sequel--or Full Segment--was always rumoured to push the boundaries. Now news has come out that the film is being banned in the United Kingdom for, of all things, overally sexualizing the act of strangers pooping in one another's mouths.

In an odd turns of events, the United States, who is notorious for censoring the slightest "fuck" "shit" or nipple, has plans to release director Tom Six's film in the near future.

TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART I

The first trailer for the latest installment of the Twilight Saga (although when I think of saga, romantic vampires and werewolves are not what come to mind) is here, so all the preteen girls can finally sleep easy. The long-awaited annoying wedding of Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) is featured in all of its weird glory. The anticipated love scene teaches us that when vampires do the dew, they are super violent about it, as evidenced by Ed tearing the bed to shreds.

Also disconcerting is the fact that Bella's mom seems pretty content about her daughter marrying a blood sucking demon. And you wonder why she lives alone. Anyway, I'm not sure who the villain is in this one. Could be Michael Sheen, although oddly, he received a wedding invite. Perhaps Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) gets all lupine like and rips some throats. He's also loves Bella and is invited to the ceremony, which proves how much of a bitch Bella is.



Regardless, Breaking Down Part I hits theatres November 18, so get ready for some critically panned, money gorging, saccharine nonsense.

GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

After the red-band trailer leaked a few days ago (although, new rumours are floating around that the bootlegged copy was in fact staged), another look--this time a one-sheet of sorts for David Fincher's American version of the Swedish murder mystery.

They're certainly not shying away from the sex, thank Jebus. Below, you'll see Mikael Blomkvist (perfectly cast by Daniel Craig, I might add) embracing his partner-in-crime Lisbeth Salander (a completely unrecognizable Rooney Mara). Although it's a bit grainy, you may notice a slight nipple sighting. Before the transformation, Mara had no piercings whatsoever on her body. When Fincher--a notorious perfectionist--got through with her, Mara's ears, eyebrow, nose, lip, and the aforementioned nipples were all lanced.

The U.S. and Canada get first dibs come December 21, 2011, while those in Europe will have to wait until Boxing Day.

JUNE FILMS TO SEE

With the passing of Memorial Day here in the States, the unofficial start to summer is upon us. We're getting into the meat and potatoes of the big budget special effects laden flicks. Sprinkled throughout are a few indie gems to keep you honest.

June 3
X-Men: First Class
It makes my heart grin that this film is getting some serious reviews up to this point. I was a huge fan growing up: comics, cards, videogames, you name it. Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake) helms this iteration, which finds itself in the swinging 1960's, amid JFK and the Cuban Missile Crisis. Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy portray Magneto and Professor Xavier, and take off where Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart last left us (although they play their younger selves). They are joined by Beast (Nicholas Hoult), Banshee (Caleb Landry Jones), Havok (Lucas Till), Darwin (Edi Gathegi), Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence. Bam!), who must mind fuck and magnetize the likes of Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon), Emma Frost (January Jones. Bam!) and Azazel (Jason Flemying). They all have kick-ass powers that I want. Sigh.



See the rest that June has to offer after the break.

50/50

I think it's only a matter of time before Joseph Gordon-Levitt receives some leading role recognition. He's dabbled in such with The Lookout, and (500) Days of Summer, but has mostly seen success with supporting roles: Inception and the upcoming The Dark Knight Rises most recently.

What's so great about JGL is how he can go from suave action star to weak cancer stricken patient as you'll see in the new trailer for 50/50, a new film by Jonathan Levine (All the Boys Love Mandy Lane). 50 also stars Seth Rogan, Anna Kendrick and Bryce Dallas Howard; as well as a looks-to-be hilarious turn by Phillip Baker Hall.



50/50 can be seen in theatres come September 30, 2011.

THE HOBBIT

All the ladies in the world can take a collective sigh of relief as the casting of Orlando Bloom to Peter Jackson's Hobbit production has been officially confirmed. Bloom handsomely portrayed the golden-locked Legolas in Jackson's Lord of the Rings saga, and although he wasn't featured in the literary version, Jackson I'm sure is counting on Bloom to attract some females to go along with the thousands of nerds already planning on lining up for the premiere.

The Hobbit is currently filming for its year plus shoot, with the first of a two-parter being released in December 2012. 

GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

It's unknown how long this will be online, but a bootlegged teaser of David Fincher's has surfaced. And it's red-band, so please watch it while you can.

The mystery is the first in a three party series by deceased author Stieg Larsson, whose Swedish originals were huge hits in his homeland and around the world. Hollywood quickly scooped it up, with the Oscar nominated Fincher directing Daniel Craig (Layer Cake) as Mikael Blomkvist and Rooney Mara (The Social Network) as the titular inked anti-heroine.

My big question was whether the American version would delve into how sexual the source material was. From the early looks, the answer seems to be a resounding yes. I have, and continue to be completely on board with Mara. I'm still somewhat amazed by her transformation; the way she has absorbed the essence of the novels is pretty remarkable, and the fact that she hasn't been afraid of letting go of her inhibitions is a welcome sight.

The trailer (which I'm sure will be completely legit in the very near future. Word is that it screened in front of some Canadian audiences for The Hangover II.) is pretty frenetic, with a neverending collection of short cuts and hasty glimpses. In case you're wondering, the song that's featured throughtout is "Immigrant Song" by the now Academy Award winning composer Trent Reznor (formerly of Nine Inch Nails), along with Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeah's who do their best Led Zeppelin impression.

"The Feel Bad Movie of Christmas" indeed.



If you're curious as what Mara did and will look like, I suggest you read on (and click accordingly).

BETWEEN TWO FERNS

Certainly not the first of Zach Galifianakis' talk show segments, but when it's combined by the force of Ferrell, it's worth a glance. In case you're unfamiliar, the bearded one brings various celebrities onto a bare set with a few plants and various hijinks. It's recommended to keep a close eye on Funny or Die, where this and other worthwhile videos originate.

HARRY POTTER

We're mere months away from seeing the highly anticipated closing chapter of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter films; no doubt followed by non-stop gushing. In a cool change of pace though, Alan Rickman (Die Hard) who has starred in each film as Severus Snape, wrote an open letter in Empire Magazine thanking Rowling for her imagination. 

In it, Rickman mentions how incredibly fast the last ten years have gone, while also harking on the growth of the films three leading child stars. Quite a nice gesture by the Brit, given that the Potter universe is an enormous cash cow, and more importantly, probably prompted the act reading in millions of households. 

(Click to make legible.) 

SHARK NIGHT 3D

Jaws is my favourite movie, mostly because it's scares the crap out of me. If you and I were ever in the ocean and I saw a fin coming towards us, I'd like to think that I would warn you, but the truth is by the time you realized what was going on, I'd be a quarter mile away because I used to be a decent swimmer.

You know what sharks do? Eat and procreate. That's it. Plus, they have unlimited teeth. So forgive me if this, granted, tacky one-sheet still freaks me out.

A trailer was also released, which pits the ocean's greatest killer against a a group of hapless, good-looking twenty-somethings. Thankfully, there seems to be no shortage of boobies. 

Shark Night 3D (!) hits theatres September 2, 2011.

THE DESCENDANTS

George Clooney does his best George Clooney impression in the first look for Alexander Payne's (Sideways) new film. To be honest with you, it looked pretty boring until the revelation of adultery; nothing funnier than hearing your wife's been cheating from your teenage daughter.



The Descendants will see a limited release December 11, 2011.

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN

Stan Lee, creator of most of the Marvel comic book characters we know and love to this day: (big breath) the Hulk, the Avengers, the X-Men, the Fantastic Four, Galactus, Daredevil, Iron Man, Doctor Strange, the Black Panther, has always been issued a small cameo in films in which his creations have been featured. He had one in the recent Thor; he'll be seen in the upcoming Captain America: The First Avenger, but from the horse's mouth we learn that Lee's personal favourite is in The Amazing Spider-Man, the reboot from director Marc Webb ((500) Days of Summer). As you'll see from the embedded video, Lee proceeds to go into detail about the scene in which he's featured.



The Amazing Stan Lee Spider-Man hits theatres July 3, 2012.

CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

Terrence Malick's long gestating The Tree of Life was crowned champion at the Palais, as the 2011 Cannes Film Festival came to a close. Although reactions were somewhat mixed (audiences both cheered and booed), Malick's existentialistic 1950's drama impressed enough of the jurors (led by Robert DeNiro) to snag the coveted Palme D'Or. Unlike many other features, the general public won't have to wait long to make their own judgements--Life comes to theatres stateside May 27.

In other awards, Kirsten Dunst deflected the somewhat absurd ridicule inflicted upon Lars Von Trier to win Best Actress accolades for her performance in Melancholia. By far, this is the most prestigious reward of Dunst's career (unless you count an MTV movie award); we'll see if this leads to sustained criticial success.

See all of the winners after the break.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

Through the magic of tweeting, the first official picture from Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy has been released. Apparently if you went to the official site, listened to the odd tune, clicked something, then pasted something else in Twitter, it became a small piece of a large shot of Tom Hardy (Inception) who plays the muscle bound villain Bane. (Click to enlarge.)

Principal photography has just started in what's sure to be a tantalizing finale to Nolan's vision. Hardy is a new addition to the team, along with Anne Hathaway (Selena Kyle/Catwoman), Marion Cotillard (Miranda Tate), and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (John Black).

The Dark Knight Rises will make a few bucks come July 20, 2012.

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON

Giant space robots! Government conspiracies! Shia TheBeef shouting "Optimus!" Chicago getting fucked up! Silent blonde Megan Fox replacement! (What's Frances McDormand doing here?)



Transformers: Dark of the Moon EXPLODES on screen June 29, 2011.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER

This probably has nothing to do with the former Mr. Universe/movie star/Special Olympics spokesman/governor of California's recent confession that he fathered a child that wasn't half Maria Shriver's over a decade ago, but all of the Austrian Oak's films that are currently in talks have been put on the back burner at least of the time being.

Even more sad is the fact that Arnie planted his seed in his housekeeper who is not the greatest on the eyes. Not gonna paste her picture on the front page, you'll have to click ahead to open that gift.

HUNGER GAMES

Two more pictures featuring Jennifer Lawrence (never a bad thing) as Katniss Everdeen in the upcoming feature film The Hunger Games. Not a lot of new material here, save for a bow--not exactly my weapon of choice if I'm going mano-a-mano for my right to live.

These come courtesy of Entertainment Weekly.

The Hunger Games is still in pre-production, but has a March 23, 2012 release date. 

HORRIBLE BOSSES

We saw the first look a few days ago; now we have a set of one-sheets for Seth Gordon's promising comedy. Now, I'm not down for any total sleazy fools, or slave driving psychos; but if a sex crazed maneater comes my way, well, I might have to think long and hard about that.

See the other two after the break. 

CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

Fresh from the premiere of his newest film Melancholia, director Lars Von Trier took to the podium and proceeded to say that he understands Adolf Hitler. Never one to shy away from controversial comments, Von Trier went on to say he sympathized with Hitler, calling himself a Nazi.

Now, two things: the Danish director has always had a crude sense of humour, and when Von Trier said he "sympathizes" with a German dictator who was behind the murder of millions, I believe it was meant to be a nod to Hitler's suicide in a bunker--a feeling Von Trier himself has felt in the past with his battle against severe depression.

Not that I'm at all siding with him (there are still some subjects that you do not mess with, and the Holocaust is one of them), but it seems obvious to me that Von Trier simply gets caught up in a poorly placed joke. The heads behind Cannes fully disagree however, and have banned the man behind Antichrist (2009), Dogville (2003), Dancer in the Dark (2000) and Europa (1991) among others,  forever from the red carpet of the Palais des Festivals.

Perhaps the French can't take a joke, but a lifetime ban from Cannes seems a bit excessive; especially considering Mel Gibson is currently a guest, strolling the Riviera looking for Jews and African Americans to hate. Anyway, you can see Von Trier's verbal faux pas below, also starring Kirsten Dunst as "shocked, awkward actress."

HUNGER GAMES

Entertainment Weekly has the first picture of Jennifer Lawrence as the lead in Gary Ross' adaptation of Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games. The story takes place in a post-apocalyptic country called Panem--the former North America. The ruling government takes the questionable path of instilling the 'Hunger Games:' a series of televised death matches between a young girl and boy, due to the past uprising of the twelve districts that at one time threatened the government. Lawrence plays Katniss Everdeen (George Lucas would be proud), who takes the place of her sister in the Games.

Lawrence exploded onto the scene with her Academy Award nominated performance in last year's Winter's Bone. Here she supposedly plays a sixteen year old, which is kinda creepy because in reality she's twenty and looks like this and this. Lawrence is joined by Josh Hutcherson, Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks, and Stanley Tucci.

Sit tight, 'cause The Hunger Games doesn't arrive in theatres till March 23, 2012.

THE LONE RANGER

After much speculation and multiple rumours, Armie Hammer has been cast as the Lone Ranger, opposite Johnny Depp's Tonto--the Ranger's confidant and riding partner. Gore Verbinski is directing, reuniting with Depp who he's already worked with on the first three Pirates of the Caribbean films, plus Rango from earlier this year.

The Lone Ranger was a cowboy who basically rode around, battling injustice in the Old West, shooting people with silver bullets and then riding off into the sunset yelling his famous cry, "Hi-yo, Silver, away!" (Along with the colour of his bullets, Silver was the name of his horse.)

Read on after the break.

BLU-RAY RELEASE OF THE WEEK

I haven't seen The Roommate yet, so if there's any nudity, or if Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester make out at all, it would probably get my vote. As it is, this week's choice is The Hustler.

Paul Newman plays "Fast Eddie" Felson, a cocky pool player who goes cross country to challenge "Minnesota Fats" (Jackie Gleason), known as the most unhealthy best player in the country. There's a ton of booze, a prostitute, some broken thumbs and a fair share of trick shots and gambling. Newman is at his brooding best here, but not his culinary one. That came in 1982 with his line of Newman's Own products.

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN: THE SECRET OF THE UNICORN

I was never, and continue to be, not the biggest Tintin fan; I actually have no idea who Mr. Tin is, or what he's all about. I do know he's from Belgium (great waffles) and owns a white fox terrier named Snowy. Tintin first appeared as a comic strip created by Georges Rémi in 1929, which over time has been translated in over 80 languages, with over 350 million copies sold.

During WWII, the Nazis, who on top of committing genocide and other atrocities, also halted the strip for a while, even though Rémi was initially investigated to being a collaborator. Regardless of my limited knowledge, what matters is that Steven Spielberg recognizes and adores the Belgian character. Here's the first look at a motion captured Tintin (voiced by Jamie Bell):

HORRIBLE BOSSES

Even though Kevin Spacey shares an 18 year old scotch with him, Jason Bateman decides to form a plan with friends (Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day) to kill his and their bosses. Jennifer Aniston and Colin Farrell play the other villains whose faults include sexual harassment and a hatred for the obese and disabled. A tattooed Jamie Foxx joins the cast as a hitman the three saps hire to do the deed. His name? Muthafucka Jones.



I think we're all in agreement that the scariest part of the trailer is Farrell's combover. I'm also curious as to how much money Aniston commanded to shove a popsicle, banana, and hotdog down her throat.

Horrible Bosses hits theatres July 8, 2011.

SUCCESSFUL ALCOHOLICS

T.J. Miller and Lizzy Caplan's 25-minute short film Successful Alcoholics is online, for all of us to finally enjoy. It was originally shown earlier this year in Austin at SXSW to great reviews and great laughs, and I (and now you) can see why:



Miller (who also co-wrote) and Caplan reunite after working together on Cloverfield. Alcoholics provides a premise slightly more drunk and less monstrous: the two play a couple who have balanced booze and life until the inevitable collapse by the liquid fiend.

Hilarious and tender; it's definitely worth a watch. This comes courtesy of Funny or Die.

BLU-RAY RELEASE OF THE WEEK

(In actuality, this came out last week, but nonethless deserves to be mentioned.)


Blue Valentine invites the audience into the lives of Cindy and Dean, at two points during their horribly rocky relationship; it is at the same time breathtaking and unwatchable.  Dean is a nobody; a high school dropout who works for a New York City moving company. While on a job, he bumps into Cindy who is visiting her grandmother. They talk, they woo, they connect over song and dance numbers and funny crude pedophile jokes. Valentine takes place over two periods: when Dean and Cindy meet, and when their bond fall apart. The performances (career bests by Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams) are what make this film so powerful. They are raw and unrelenting; truthful and filled with pain and emotion.

Much of the dialogue was improvised (my favourite scene was when Gosling and Williams were on the Brooklyn Bridge: Cindy is pregnant, but unwilling to reveal the news to Dean. Director Derek Cianfrance instructed Gosling that Williams was keeping a secret from him and he had to do whatever it took to get her to spill the beans. He then took Williams aside with direction that she was keeping something private and was forbidden to reveal what it is, regardless of what Gosling did. The scene went on for hours, no one budged. Finally, desperate, Gosling started to climb the fence and straddled the top, half his body over the edge. Honestly frightened, Williams finally broke. Incredible.) The cover implies this is a love story--don't believe it. It is a great, great piece of art; I was transfixed to the screen. But I never want to see it again. 

MOTHER'S DAY

I love mothers; you love mothers. Perhaps not as much as Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake, but certainly enough to celebrate all moms out there by assembling a list of some of the most memorable matriarchs in film history

Mommie Dearest

An obvious choice. Faye Dunaway portrays the real life Joan Crawford, who evidently was insanely disturbed. The source material was taken from Crawford's adopted daughter Christina; a frequent victim of her mother's abuse, such as having her hair hacked off while being laughed at maniacally. 

Mother 

Not the 1996 film starring Albert Brooks and Debbie Reynolds; instead check out the 2009 Korean title of the same name about a mom who must solve the murder of a young girl after her son is indicted for the crime. Kim Hye-ja, a veteran Korean actress, plays the part to perfection. 

See the rest after the break. 

KILL BIN LADEN

Kathryn Bigelow, who just over a year ago became the first woman to win best director at the Academy Awards, is set to direct an adaptation of the hunt for the man who orchestrated the September 11 attacks almost ten years ago. Bigelow had previously commissioned the film, but now with the long-awaited and timely death of the Al-Qaeda leader, the last act will feature the forty minute raid that ultimately ended up up Bin Laden with a bullet in his brain.

Joel Edgerton (Animal Kingdom) has already been cast as one of the commandos. A relative unknown, Edgerton's anonymity will surely dissipate with his inclusion in the upcoming Warrior alongside Tom Hardy, and the prequel to The Thing.

At the moment, Kill Bin Laden is (thankfully) a working title.

COLOMBIANA

This is partly written by Luc Besson who gave us Léon and The Fifth Element, so expect some frantic action and a strong female presence. Zoë Saldaña's character shares a similar backstory to Natalie Portman's Mathilda from Léon: as a young girl, her parents are murdered in front of her and later grows up to be a hired assassin. This could be two hours of Zoë Saldaña walking around all sultry-like in that skintight black number and I'd be there.

Colombiana arrives September 2, 2011.

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

A crapload of character spots for Matthew Vaughn's X-Men flick have hit the web, allowing Havok, Banshee, Beast and Mystique to all get some individual love. Being a mutant aficionado, I'll be first in line, but the more I see, the more I like. My favourite is easily Mystique's due to the body acting of Jennifer Lawrence, but every one of them has something to offer. Banshee's introduction to flying, Beast's funky feet; not too sure about Havok's red ribbon-like powers since his concussive power has enough force to level a mountain, but I'm probably just picking some nits at this point.

Banshee



See the rest after the break.

MAY FILMS WORTH SEEING

I realize I'm about a week late for this post, but I just bought a baby bulldog, so when you have your own poop factory to take care of, feel free to criticize. Lots to like here: a summer tentpole, a b-movie starring Roy Batty; even a Terrence Malick sighting. Perhaps even more incredibly is that someone hired Mel Gibson for something.

May 6
The Beaver
Those in major cities gets first crack at Jodie Foster's dark comedy about a man who has a mental breakdown and begins to wear a beaver hand puppet to speak for him. Foster directs Anton Yelchin (Like Crazy), Jennifer Lawrence (Winter's Bone) and lead Mel Gibson who himself has had a decades long mental breakdown. But instead of wearing a piece of decorated fabric, Gibson thought best to rant against homosexuals, Jews, African Americans, then threaten to kill his girlfriend and mother of one of his children. Tough to decide which one sounds crazier.



See the rest after the break.

PIRANHA 3DD

If there's anything scarier than a rare breed of piranhas that escape from the ocean depths, it's giving noted crackpot Gary Busey a platform. Or if you're Dimenson Films, you combine the two. Word has emerged that Busey has joined the cast of the sequel to Piranha 3D which astonishingly made over 80 million at the box-office. Although those high numbers pale in comparison to the fact that Busey isn't forced to walk around in a straitjacket and wear one of those Hannibal Lecter masks.

It's as of yet unaware what role Busey will portray, but just looking at his own set of chompers, it's not entirely out of the question to assume that his mouth will be the model used for the second school of killer fish. This second going round as you can see simply added a 'D' to its title. Here's hoping it refers to cup size.

[Editors note: just found this picture. Classic.]

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART II

In just over two months, tens of millions of people will simultaneously pee their pants in excitement and die a little inside as the curtain of the juggernaut Harry Potter franchise will finally come down. This second trailer pushes the action element to the extreme; rightfully so, since we've been treading water waiting for the inevitable showdown between the boy who lived and the creepy bald noseless guy.

All kidding aside, this does look incredible. With the way Potter has been handled, all the Twilight people should take notes as to what a popular series should look like. And even though the seventh and final book is on its last adaptation, I think we'd all be fools that think that author J.K. Rowling won't visit this colossal cash cow once again down the road.



(Deep breath) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II avada kedavra's the competition July 15, 2011.

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

The countdown is on for seeing some serious January Jones cleavage when Matthew Vaughn's (Layer Cake) 1960's X-Men flick hits theatres. There's been some internet rumblings with how much screen time Jones has had in the various trailers over say, Kevin Bacon who also plays a fellow villain. These people are either blind, or possess a severely lower brain function.

Even if Jones, via her character the White Queen is only around for some gratuitous sartorial payoffs, please explain to me what the issue is? Even without her, First Class looks just that. Loving the vibe emanating from this; Vaughn really seems to have nailed the tone associated with the Cuban Missile Crisis, and the new characters that we've yet to see in any film X-Men iterations--namely Havok and Banshee (not to mention the sexy prostitute with butterfly wings), are a welcome addition, and frankly a real breath of fresh air.

X-Men: First Class hits nationwide June 3, 2011.

HAPPY EASTER

Even though Easter has come and gone, let's keep the chocolate egg and hot-crossed bun train rolling with a look at the greatest films associated with bunnies.

Alice in Wonderland

Forget about Tim Burton's version; the 1951 Disney version was all sorts of freaky, chock full of Red Queens, Cheshire cats and un-birthdays. 

Bambi

It's funny how memory can alter your perception of a film. While you're young, you only remember cute deer, rabbits and skunks, hanging out, learning how to skate. Then you watch it as an adult and you learn that Bambi features some horrible lessons. He's got an absentee father; his mother dies from a gunshot. Then Bambi grows up, gets into a fight, pushes his adversary off of a ledge and kills two dogs by crushing them with boulders. 

See the rest after the break. 

CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

The 64th Festival de Cannes lineup was unveiled a few days ago, and this year even more than others, makes me green with anger that I won't be in France come May 11 - 22. Personally, I'm most excited about the prospect of Terrence Malick's The Tree of Life, Lars Von Trier's Melancholia and new-jack Julia Leigh with her premiere film Sleeping Beauty. That being said, there's no shortage of blue-ribbon directors that will be strutting their stuff over that week and a half block.

A special mentioning to This Must Be the Place by Paolo Sorrentino--which sees a bored, retired rock star (Sean Penn, who inexplicably continues to bag Scarlett Johansson) who sets out to find his father's executioner: an ex-Nazi war criminal who is a refugee in the United States (an obvious romantic comedy). More importantly, the title brings me back to the annual Sioui excursion to Myrtle Beach, SC (otherwise known as the Mini Golf Capital of the World, while also rivaling Daytona Beach, FL, as the white-trashiest place on Earth). For ten glorious days, we would tan our pale skin on the beaches and poolside at the Cadillac Court. This must be the place indeed.

As usual, there's a steady crop of American and foreign titles that will be battling for the Palme D'Or (best film) in the 'In Competition' category, while the rest are mainly split up between 'Un Certain Regard' (films from different cultures, which hope to search out a wider audience), and 'Out of Competition' (not unlike the In Competition group, only not eligible for the grand prize).

See the list of all entries after the break. 

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

To no one's surprise, Oscar winner Marion Cotillard and reigning coolest-guy-in-the-world, Joseph Gordon-Levitt have officially been penned into director Christopher Nolan's concluding chapter of his Batman tale. What is newsworthy are the roles they're portraying. Cotillard will be Miranda Tate, a Wayne Enterprises board member, while JGL is John Black, a simple beat cop under the watchful eye of Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman).

Originally, the rumour mill had both engaging in more well-known and sinister roles: that of Talia al Ghul, daughter of Ra's (Liam Neeson from Batman Begins), and Alberto Falcone, a mobster who would later become the Holiday killer, but it appears that Nolan (as usual) has other plans.

These two thesps already join an already stellar cast: Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway. We'll have all the answers July 20, 2012 when The Dark Knight Rises arrives in theatres to presumably make a zillion dollars.

CASA DE MI PADRE

You're probably just as annoyed as I am that it's been mostly nothing but new trailers and posters on this site; a fact I intend to rectify tonight as I'm fully planning on churning out reviews for Limitless (very good), Sucker Punch (meh) and Hanna (exceptional).

In the meantime, here's (yay!) another trailer, this time in espanol, for Will Ferrell's new comedy Casa di me Padre. Casa tells the hopefully funny tale of Armando Alvarez (Ferrell), a local farmer who somehow gets into it with Mexico's most feared drug lord.



To answer your question, yes, this film is entirely in spanish. Casa di mi Padre does not yet have a distributor, so we'll have to sit on pins and needles till we can see this in theatres.