PIRANHA 3DD

If there's anything scarier than a rare breed of piranhas that escape from the ocean depths, it's giving noted crackpot Gary Busey a platform. Or if you're Dimenson Films, you combine the two. Word has emerged that Busey has joined the cast of the sequel to Piranha 3D which astonishingly made over 80 million at the box-office. Although those high numbers pale in comparison to the fact that Busey isn't forced to walk around in a straitjacket and wear one of those Hannibal Lecter masks.

It's as of yet unaware what role Busey will portray, but just looking at his own set of chompers, it's not entirely out of the question to assume that his mouth will be the model used for the second school of killer fish. This second going round as you can see simply added a 'D' to its title. Here's hoping it refers to cup size.

[Editors note: just found this picture. Classic.]

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART II

In just over two months, tens of millions of people will simultaneously pee their pants in excitement and die a little inside as the curtain of the juggernaut Harry Potter franchise will finally come down. This second trailer pushes the action element to the extreme; rightfully so, since we've been treading water waiting for the inevitable showdown between the boy who lived and the creepy bald noseless guy.

All kidding aside, this does look incredible. With the way Potter has been handled, all the Twilight people should take notes as to what a popular series should look like. And even though the seventh and final book is on its last adaptation, I think we'd all be fools that think that author J.K. Rowling won't visit this colossal cash cow once again down the road.



(Deep breath) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II avada kedavra's the competition July 15, 2011.

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

The countdown is on for seeing some serious January Jones cleavage when Matthew Vaughn's (Layer Cake) 1960's X-Men flick hits theatres. There's been some internet rumblings with how much screen time Jones has had in the various trailers over say, Kevin Bacon who also plays a fellow villain. These people are either blind, or possess a severely lower brain function.

Even if Jones, via her character the White Queen is only around for some gratuitous sartorial payoffs, please explain to me what the issue is? Even without her, First Class looks just that. Loving the vibe emanating from this; Vaughn really seems to have nailed the tone associated with the Cuban Missile Crisis, and the new characters that we've yet to see in any film X-Men iterations--namely Havok and Banshee (not to mention the sexy prostitute with butterfly wings), are a welcome addition, and frankly a real breath of fresh air.

X-Men: First Class hits nationwide June 3, 2011.

HAPPY EASTER

Even though Easter has come and gone, let's keep the chocolate egg and hot-crossed bun train rolling with a look at the greatest films associated with bunnies.

Alice in Wonderland

Forget about Tim Burton's version; the 1951 Disney version was all sorts of freaky, chock full of Red Queens, Cheshire cats and un-birthdays. 

Bambi

It's funny how memory can alter your perception of a film. While you're young, you only remember cute deer, rabbits and skunks, hanging out, learning how to skate. Then you watch it as an adult and you learn that Bambi features some horrible lessons. He's got an absentee father; his mother dies from a gunshot. Then Bambi grows up, gets into a fight, pushes his adversary off of a ledge and kills two dogs by crushing them with boulders. 

See the rest after the break. 

CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

The 64th Festival de Cannes lineup was unveiled a few days ago, and this year even more than others, makes me green with anger that I won't be in France come May 11 - 22. Personally, I'm most excited about the prospect of Terrence Malick's The Tree of Life, Lars Von Trier's Melancholia and new-jack Julia Leigh with her premiere film Sleeping Beauty. That being said, there's no shortage of blue-ribbon directors that will be strutting their stuff over that week and a half block.

A special mentioning to This Must Be the Place by Paolo Sorrentino--which sees a bored, retired rock star (Sean Penn, who inexplicably continues to bag Scarlett Johansson) who sets out to find his father's executioner: an ex-Nazi war criminal who is a refugee in the United States (an obvious romantic comedy). More importantly, the title brings me back to the annual Sioui excursion to Myrtle Beach, SC (otherwise known as the Mini Golf Capital of the World, while also rivaling Daytona Beach, FL, as the white-trashiest place on Earth). For ten glorious days, we would tan our pale skin on the beaches and poolside at the Cadillac Court. This must be the place indeed.

As usual, there's a steady crop of American and foreign titles that will be battling for the Palme D'Or (best film) in the 'In Competition' category, while the rest are mainly split up between 'Un Certain Regard' (films from different cultures, which hope to search out a wider audience), and 'Out of Competition' (not unlike the In Competition group, only not eligible for the grand prize).

See the list of all entries after the break. 

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

To no one's surprise, Oscar winner Marion Cotillard and reigning coolest-guy-in-the-world, Joseph Gordon-Levitt have officially been penned into director Christopher Nolan's concluding chapter of his Batman tale. What is newsworthy are the roles they're portraying. Cotillard will be Miranda Tate, a Wayne Enterprises board member, while JGL is John Black, a simple beat cop under the watchful eye of Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman).

Originally, the rumour mill had both engaging in more well-known and sinister roles: that of Talia al Ghul, daughter of Ra's (Liam Neeson from Batman Begins), and Alberto Falcone, a mobster who would later become the Holiday killer, but it appears that Nolan (as usual) has other plans.

These two thesps already join an already stellar cast: Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway. We'll have all the answers July 20, 2012 when The Dark Knight Rises arrives in theatres to presumably make a zillion dollars.

CASA DE MI PADRE

You're probably just as annoyed as I am that it's been mostly nothing but new trailers and posters on this site; a fact I intend to rectify tonight as I'm fully planning on churning out reviews for Limitless (very good), Sucker Punch (meh) and Hanna (exceptional).

In the meantime, here's (yay!) another trailer, this time in espanol, for Will Ferrell's new comedy Casa di me Padre. Casa tells the hopefully funny tale of Armando Alvarez (Ferrell), a local farmer who somehow gets into it with Mexico's most feared drug lord.



To answer your question, yes, this film is entirely in spanish. Casa di mi Padre does not yet have a distributor, so we'll have to sit on pins and needles till we can see this in theatres.

COWBOYS & ALIENS

The second trailer for Jon Favreau's post-Iron Men film is out. Cowboys, as we've seen, stars Daniel Craig as a memory wiped stranger who stumbles into the town run by an ill-tempered Harrison Ford. Undoubtedly, the greatest part of this trailer is more in depth look at Olivia Wilde. (She was also the best part of the recent Tron: Legacy, which overall, was atrocious by the way. Wilde is happily back on television's House right now. I say happily, because they really needed to up the attractiveness level. When the best looking person on your show is an Australian male, you have a problem. Plus, she can pull off the straight bangs look which is nearly impossible.)

Sam Rockwell is finally seen as well, looking as sycophantic as ever. The overall idea is compelling; still, it's irritating to me that nearly every film that comes out nowadays has either extraterrestrials or some sort of monster in it.



Cowboys & Aliens (anally?) probes you July 29, 2011.

JEFF BUCKLEY

Jake Scott, son of Ridley, and the man behind the lukewarm Welcome to the Riley's, has been hired to bring about a film about the brilliant but short lived musician Jeff Buckley.

Buckley got his start playing gigs in NYC's lower east side; mainly cover songs, but then slowly branching out into original material. He eventually released his one and only studio album: 'Grace' in 1994, which at the time, didn't have many hits (which obviously means that people were stupid in the mid-90's, since the record is amazing). In late May 1997, while prepping his second album, 'Sketches for my Sweetheart the Drunk,' Buckley went night swimming in Wolf river in Memphis, Tennessee, where he was caught in the wake of a passing boat and ended up drowning.

The film will use David Browne's book 'Dream Brothers: The Lives and Music of Jeff and Tim Buckley' as a resource, while Ryan Jaffe will pen the script. No front runners for the casting yet, but with production expected to begin this fall, we're sure to hear a list of names in the near future.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

Josh Pence, is mostly known for being the body behind the character of Tyler Winklevoss--before Armie Hammer's head replaced his own--in David Fincher's The Social Network. Now Pence has reportedly been cast as a young Ra's Al Ghul in the completing chapter of Christopher Nolan's Batman saga.

As we all should know, Liam Neeson played Ghul in Batman Begins, where he **SPOILER ALERT** was incinerated inside a fallen train car. In comic lore, Ghul has lived for more than 600 years due to his submersion in the Lazarus Pits: a green liquid substance that prolongs life and heals wounds. It remains to be seen if Neeson will return at all, but the interesting thing about Pence's casting is the fact that he will play a younger Ghul in a flashback sequence, some thirty years in the past.

The Dark Knight Rises arrives in theatres July 20, 2012.

SUPERMAN: MAN OF STEEL

Superman has found his villain. Michael Shannon, who has an innate ability to play deranged, has been cast as General Zod--the role that Terrance Stamp first immortalized.

Shannon earned an Academy Award nomination for 2008's Revolutionary Road, and joins an ever growing cast including Henry Cavill (Supes), Amy Adams (Lois Lane), and Kevin Costner and Diane Lane (Ma and Pa Kent).

Again, Shannon has made a convincing habit of portraying batshit unhinged characters (Bug, television's Boardwalk Empire); the only proof you really need is the above picture though. That is one good crazy eye.

WARRIOR

Take a look at Tom Hardy (Inception) and Joel Edgerton (Animal Kingdom): brothers who join a mixed martial arts tournament for different reasons. Tom (Hardy) is a returned Marine, while Brendan (Edgerton) is a physics teacher looking for some extra cash--which will hopefully go towards buying his sexy wife (Jennifer Morrison) some more lingerie.

Lacking complete common sense, Tom hires his alcoholic father, played by Nick Nolte to train him. How this could possibly work out, I have no idea, but since the trailer basically maps the entire film out for us, it apparently turns out nicely for both siblings.



Hardy, as everyone knows, is quite awesome. Edgerton's been a bit player for years, but this role and the sequel to The Thing later this year should put him on more people's radars.

Warrior pummels you September 9, 2011.

MELANCHOLIA

Another trailer, this time courtesy of Lars Von Trier, whose last film Antichrist, reminded us all to lock the windows and never go away on weekends to a secluded cabin. Here, he tones down the baby death and talking foxes, in exchange for Kirsten Dunst (and recent muse) Charlotte Gainsbourg. Dunst marries Alexander Skarsgård, and apparently instantly regrets her decision, (possibly due to the overexposure of vampires in our society) so then she decides to lay around naked (?). Gainsbourg herself seems rather unhappy in her life with Jack Bauer.

Dunst's fondness for beings sans clothes, could be in part due to the fact that the planet Melancholia (which has mysteriously and conveniently been hiding behind the sun) is on a collision course with Earth, leaving everyone on our world doomed. On the bright side, it appears imminent death coincides with some sort of electromagnetic powers that curl out of our fingers. So we got that going for us.



No American date yet set for this, but a premiere at Cannes in the summer is a likely destination.

CRAZY STUPID LOVE

Ryan Gosling is at his self-satisfied best here playing a ladies man with no shortage of pick-up lines. He helps out a recently divorced Steve Carrell, as he tries to get over the fact that his ex (Julianne Moore) would rather sneak away to see Twilight, then hang out with him at home.

With the inclusion of Emma Stone, who appears to be the only one capable of withstanding Gosling's charm, the red-head quotient is very high here, which will only make me get to the theatre that much quicker. I usually tire of Carell's schtick, but the trailer has me intrigued. Also wasn't hurt with the addition of the Muse song 'Starlight.'

"Where are your wallets?"



Crazy Stupid Love is in theatres July 29, 2011.

BLU-RAY RELEASE OF THE WEEK

It's sad that Robert DeNiro has resigned himself to star in weak comedies and bloated buddy action flicks. The truly tragic part of it is that kids nowadays have no clue just how frightening he was in his heyday.

Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver is out this week in high-definition, and it should be a must-see for everyone--particularly those fond of prostitutes and political assassinations. Travis Bickle (DeNiro) is a former Marine living in Manhattan who finds work driving a cab around the city all hours of the evening. He befriends Iris (a young Jodie Foster), a child of the night, and makes it his personal mission to save her from her pimp, Strong (Harvey Keitel). As you can see, the cast is fantastic (Cybill Shepherd, Albert Brooks, Peter Boyle also star, among others), making every minute on screen riveting.

Pay especially close attention to the ending, for not only the bloody climactic closure, but also the dénouement, as it makes you question what was real, and what went on in Bickle's severely deranged psyche.

Also creepy is the fact that John Hinkley Jr--the man behind the attempted execution of President Ronald Reagan in 1981--claimed it was his obsession over Foster (12-years old at the time) that made him act.

GREEN LANTERN

Over at WonderCon, a chunk of Martin Cambell's (Casino Royale) Green Lantern was shown to an eager crowd. I say eager, because the first look a few months back was very underwhelming. The general public is now able to get a condensed version, and it seems to have appeased the masses. More so than other popular comic characters, Green Lantern touches on a cosmic scale, which is something that Martin seems to have captured.



I like Ryan Reynolds a lot, and Mark Strong who plays Sinestro, looks all sorts of freaky. Geoffrey Rush also plays the voice of Tomar-Re, the odd looking alien that greets Hal Jordan (Reynolds) when he lands on Oa. With this, Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, and X-Men: First Class all being released in the next few months, comics are going to be front and center this summer. I for one, hope that it's all pulled off.

After the break, check out a new one-sheet as well.

BLU-RAY RELEASE OF THE WEEK

I could easily go with Black Swan, but I've gushed enough over Natalie Portman's performance, Darren Aronofsky's direction et al. It's about time some animated rodents got some love up in here.

Based on Robert C. O'Brien's children's novel 'Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH', Don Bluth's 1982 film follows Mrs. Brisby (why the one letter change, I'm not sure. Perhaps the heads thought that the audience would confuse a mouse with the popular throwing disc.) as she attempts to find help for her son who is dealing with pneumonia.

 

There's a wise owl with glowing eyes, some creepy ass rats, and a fat cat named Dragon. Although it's animated (which more than holds up to this day), there's some pretty dark images here. I remember watching this is as a kid, and will plan to revisit many more times in the future. On an extremely sad, and all-too-real note, Elizabeth Hartman--the voice of Mrs. Brisby, who was nominated for the Academy Award for 1965's A Patch of Blue, committed suicide a few years after finishing her voice work. She apparently suffered from severe depression most of her life, and NIMH ended up being her last completed role.

APRIL FILMS WORTH SEEING

Some real gems here. And really a mix of everything. Brainless comedies, psychological thrillers; even t & a car chase flicks. Plus, with all this shitty weather currently happening in NYC, I'm more than happy to park my seat in a dark room and wait for it to heat up outside.

April 1
Cat Run
This reminds me a lot of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which is a great thing. Scott Mechlowicz and Alphonso McAuley are detective who must protect Paz Vega's character (kind of like the Michelle Monaghan role from Kiss, except more Mexican with far worse English) from a hired assassin, after she uncovers some shady dealings. 



See the rest after the break.

TRANSFORMERS 3: DARK OF THE MOON

If you've got a hankering for some explosions, Shia The Beef, a replacement Megan Fox, explosions, giant sentient robots, and explosions, then take a look at some photos from Michael "One day, explosions will win me an Oscar" Bay from the third Transformers film.

Not really how it happened, but The Beef has somehow become the go-to-guy for action thrillers. And if you don't believe it, check out the picture of him running through an office building with a soon-to-be explosion in the background.

MONSTERS UNIVERSITY

John Goodman and Billy Crystal will be reprising their voice roles as James P. Sullivan and Mike Wazowski, in a prequel film to 2001's Monsters Inc. Entitled Monsters University, the Pixar animated work will chronicle Sully and Mike's initial introduction, which supposedly starts off quite frosty.

 

For a movie whose lead was a big, fuzzy, turquoise and purple beast with horns, it was a cool ride. Also Steve Buscemi's character Randall (a chameleon-like creature), who killed it on HBO's Boardwalk Empire, amazingly looks just like he does.

EVERYTHING MUST GO

Contrary to the general public, I prefer Will Ferrell in films with subtlety and humanity which seem to appear in spades in Everything Must Go, which premiered last fall at the Toronto International Film Festival.

Ferrell has made eleventy million dollars playing souped-up versions of real types of people (see: Anchorman, Talladega Nights); here he personifies simply a real person. Nick (Ferrell) loses his job and his wife, so he does what every man would do: lives on his lawn with all of his worldly possessions, and has a yard sale while drinking multiple Pabst Blue Ribbons.



Everything Must Go also stars Rebecca Hall, Laura Dern, Michael Peña and Stephen Root, and is adapted from a short story by Raymond Carver. It hits limited theatres May 13, 2011.

THE HANGOVER PART II

The inevitable return of Phil (Bradley Cooper), Stu (Ed Helms) and the literally retarded quirky Alan (Zach Galifianakis) is here. Director Todd Phillips (Old School, Road Trip) has substituted "Thighland" for Vegas, a monkey for a baby, and a Tyson facial tattoo for a lost incisor, but the antics and blackoutedness has stayed true.

To no one's surprise the Wolfpack get obliterated and wake up the next morning, lost in Bangkok, and unable to find Teddy: the little brother of Stu's new fiancée, played by Jamie Chung (upgrade!):

Absolutely nothing looks original here, but the first one was so funny and successful, I don't blame Phillips or his cohorts for keeping the recipe familiar. What remains to be seen, is how long the laughs continue if the three leads simply continue to pull naked Asians out of the trunks of their cars, or if it'll be something new...like Norwegians.



The Hangover Part II roofies ("why isn't it called rapies?") audiences come May 26, 2011.