Tuesday, June 28, 2011

HORRIBLE BOSSES

A final trailer--this time red-band--for the expletive laced comedy from director Seth Gordon. All signs point to good things here: a superb cast with Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, Jason Sudeikis, Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston (meh), and Jamie Foxx as "Muthafuckin' Jones."

Spacey and Farrell are certainly believable as dickheads (though I'd venture a guess that the Irishman has had more practice), while Aniston looks believable as a whore as she's downing phalic looking foods. Everything's peachy...until you see Brett Ratner listed as a producer, and instantly my optimism is zapped.



Horrible Bosses can be seen July 8, 2011.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

FOOTLOOSE

Well, Footloose has a remake and a first trailer. For the uneducated: the original starred Kevin Bacon as Ren McCormack, a Chicagoan who moves to a small (see: batshit crazy) town that--after a car crash that killed some local teens--has banned rock-and-roll music and dancing. The two things that are obvious signs of the devil.

Ren however, puts up a big city middle finger to the man, by dating the hot daughter of the preacher who instilled the law, all the while dancing his way to personal redemption and bringing the townsfolk together, one hip thrust at a time. In case you were wondering, yes, this took place in 1984. 




The 2011 revival stars Kenny Wormald (who?), Julianne Hough, Dennis Quaid, and Andie McDowell. Most likely an indication of what's in store is the fact that Zac Efron (the leading man from High School Musical, High School Musical 2, and High School Musical 3: Senior Year) was offered and subsequently turned down the lead role. 

There's also a one-sheet after the break, which is definitely worth a look, because nothing says American muscle car like a Volkswagon beetle. 

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

When I was younger, I remember receiving a back issue of Giant Sized X-Men #1. Originally printed in 1975, it was the first appearance of now longtime favourites Storm, Colossus, and Nightcrawler among others. More importantly, it brought Wolverine (who was mildly known for battling the Hulk) into the mainstream. The issue was a comic version of a reboot--a kick in the ass, if you will--to a franchise, that while only twelve years old, was battling stale stories and lukewarm reviews.

The jumpstart was a huge success, with the X-Men titles (and there were a shload of 'em) hopping off the shelves. The franchise never looked back, eventually spawning multiple television shows, action figures, and four feature length films. It was a big rush when X-Men (2000) and X2: X-Men United (2003) finally hit the screen, all my most beloved characters expanding from the page to the screen. Then X-Men: The Last Stand came along and not only did the shit hit the fan, but it was set to high, and it splattered back in our faces many times over.

In many ways First Class is the film equivalent to Giant-Size. A chance for redemption aimed at the diehards, while also a way to attract some new viewers. To shake it up, the plot was sent back to the 1960's, in the height of JFK's reign and in the midst of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Magneto and Professor are back, albeit in much younger forms (Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy respectively). The film begins as the original X-Men did, with a flashback to 1945 as a young Erik Lensherr rips a fence to shreds, first realizing his magnetic prowess. Simultaneously, across the pond, a young Charles Xavier stumbles upon, and later reads the mind of a cachéd Raven Darkholme (later Mystique) who has taken refuge in Xavier's vast Westchester, New York mansion. 

In one of the more stronger sequences, we're shown a now adult Erik (Fassbender) who is on a personal crusade to murder all the Nazis that were behind his capture and the subsequent killing of his parents. Fassbender has seen a meteoric rise since his breakout role in Steve McQueen's Hunger. Since, he has starred in Fish Tank, Inglourious Basterds, and the most recent adaptation of Jane Eyre. There are whisperings of the German born actor taking over the mantle of James Bond after Daniel Craig leaves the perch. We should be so lucky. The range that he shows in a character that could very easily come off as cartoonish is electrifying. Personally, I would have loved to be a longer guest on Erik's hunt for the men who destroyed his life. As it is, what we do see is a man broken. He fills the void of his lost innocence with the blood of those that stole it. 

The man at the top of his hit list is Schmitt, later Sebastian Shaw: a mutant with the ability to absorb energy. This not only allows him to eat grenades (not a joke), but also grants him prolonged life. Shaw (a surprisingly great Kevin Bacon) has it in his mind that those will special gifts should be the one who inherit the earth, while us lowly humans should bow to their feet. His team consists of Riptide, who can create mini tornados from his palms; Azazel, a demon teleporter (and a severely underused Jason Flemyng); finally Emma Frost, a telepath with diamond-encrusted skin. She is played by January Jones whose apparent power is to wear revealing outfits and act monotonously. Jones is more than capable as the conflicted housewife Betty Francis (formerly Draper) in television's Mad Men. She does Class no favours however. Unless you count her cleavage--which is ample

I've mentioned Fassbender, but his counterpart in McAvoy is just as formidable. Charles Xavier is a brilliant mind, one of the brightest in the field of genetic mutations. As a young man though, he is brash and irresponsible, using his faculty to read women's minds for the strict goal of bedding them. His longtime relationship with Raven is something that differs from the source material, but nonethless flows seamlessly with the story. Charles sees her as only a friend; Raven wants something more. Ultimately, the conflicting viewpoints set the stage for the turmoil that encases their future selves. 

The tricky thing is that we know how these players and events end up. Professor X and Magneto become unfortunate enemies, the nukes never fire; that part is certain. What Class does is light the way on how they get there. It is through the capacity of director Matthew Vaughn and his writing team that we are able enjoy the foreseeable ride. After a failed attempt on Shaw's life, Erik and Charles meet and form a bond from particular needs. Here the narrative speeds up, when it's determined that more superpowered recruits are needed to foil the villain's plans. They pick up Havok, Banshee, Angel, and Darwin* with help from Dr. Hank McCoy (Nicholas Hoult)--a young scientist, who's afflicted with enormous feet and an even larger intellect. 

*I actually have a huge problem with the way he was handled. Darwin is named as such because he has the mutant power of adaptation, meaning that whatever the circumstance, his body will adjust to allow him to survive. Some examples: growing gills underwater, increasing his body mass in a fight, being able to float around IN SPACE. The dude is literally indestructible, probably immortal. So yeah, the way Darwin is treated really upset me. You'll see why.

Class develops into the inevitable battle between good versus evil, and although the lines aren't necessarily blurred, there are points of contention on both fronts. The CIA joins the fun, led by Rose Byrne and Oliver Platt, who inexplicably have stumbled upon the existence of mutantkind on an arbitrary stakeout of a posh nightclub. They spend the majority of the film looking dumbfounded and being in the wrong place at the wrong time. A few tense moments occur as the US and Russians stare down with air craft carriers and nuclear warheads. 

Class is not groundbreaking in any regard, but it's quality entertainment, and certainly a massive leap in the right direction for this Marvel property. There were some (valid) rumblings during production, when  Vaughn (Layer Cake, Kick-Ass) had less than a year to complete his vision. He has confidently quieted all the naysayers. The real world events seemlessly weave into the lives of the extraordinary. It's everything that a comic book movie should be (along with having the single best inclusion of the word 'fuck' in a PG-13 rated work). I'm curious once more to see what lies in store. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

I don't have any kids, so I can't say I relate with the author. If this is anywhere close to what my future holds though, I could use Samuel L. Jackson's voice to put me to bed. The thesp and "muthafucka" aficionado narrates Adam Mansbach's children's story for adults to perfection and gives a glimpse to what we (supposedly) would love to say to kids who won't close their eyes when they're supposed to.

UPDATE: The Sam Jackson version has been removed for some silly reason. Instead, please enjoy another version courtesy of German director Werner Herzog.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

THE GUARD

Gangs of New York, Harry Potter, Braveheart, 28 Days Later, Michael Collins, Kingdom of Heaven, (and to a lesser extent) Mission Impossible: II, Beowulf, Troy. Pretty impressive list, right? You'd think that whomever starred in a few of these, let alone all of them, would be a recognized leading man. But you'd be wrong.

Brendan Gleeson has been around for decades--mostly in supporting roles--but has still managed to remain largely anonymous for the duration of his career. Hopefully you've all seen In Bruges, the 2008 comedy about two hitmen who are stashed out in the Belgium city due to a botched assassination. Gleeson starred with the hit-and-miss Colin Farrell in what was a very funny film.

The Guard has Gleeson as a corrupt radical cop whose territory is broached by the visiting Don Cheadle (himself an overlooked actor), an FBI agent who tries to crack down on an international drug ring in the small Irish town.

Friday, June 10, 2011

GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

The red-band trailer seems to have been taken down (shame), there is a green-band one floating around now, which is practically the same save for a quick glimpse of nudity and a little less gore.



Also, if you like your NSFW posters completely free of graphics, you've come to the right place. We've already seen a few previous versions of this; here you get a full-sized model, complete with exposed, safety pin laced nipples and the wonky tag line: 'Evil Shall with Evil Be Expelled.'

A big stink has been raised about the sexuality of Rooney Mara's Lisbeth Salander, provided by the early looks. Anyone who's read the book would point out that Salander doesn't hide from that side of her self at all. The pint sized anti-heroine is anything but reserved, punching and sleeping her way to any info or release she needs.

Check out the one-sheet after the break. Again there's boobs, so be warned enjoy. 

BLU-RAY RELEASE OF THE WEEK

The role that should've snagged Jeff Bridges an Academy Award (over a pretty overrated Crazy Heart the year prior)--his Rooster Cogburn was an abrupt, magnetic, beautiful mess. Easily the most memorable performance from the past season; one that made you forget about the iconic John Wayne's 1969 Oscar winning performance for the parallel character.


As usual, the Coen brothers bring the goods, taking a run-of-the-mill country western story and making it distinct. Matt Damon is pretty much the surest thing in Hollywood at the moment. His LeBoeuf is a Texas Ranger who joins Rooster and Mattie Ross (Hailee Steinfeld) on the hunt for the murder of the young girl's father. 

The biggest difference I found was the level of comedy that was saturated throughout. Damon especially stands out: his one-liners--usually leveled at Bridges--were many times laugh out loud funny. Bridges, I've talked about. This performance seems to be the kind that actors truly enjoy. It's evident in every scene he's in that he's loving what he's doing. A fact that's generally missing in films nowadays. He is most definitely the star, but Steinfeld is a refreshing face, and someone to watch in the future. I would have given her the golden statue over the irritating and maniacal Melissa Leo. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

LAST NIGHT

We're invited into the lives of Michael and Joanna, inside their exceptional apartment. As anyone in New York City knows, prime real estate is hard to come by. (And man, their place is nice. Exquisite countertops, an open kitchen. Plus, they have tons of space, which is an oxymoron in NYC.) Michael is a commercial real estate agent, while Joanna is a author. These two are married. We know this because they're arguing (heh).

Having recently been hitched, I've come to learn that marital spats happen for two reasons, and two reasons only: money and women. For this couple it's the latter. You see, Michael has an attractive co-worker (Eva Mendes) which leads to speculation and insecurity. The two go in circles over who said what, and if anyone put something someplace; although they soon reconcile over veneered smiles and scrambled eggs (not a euphemism).

Michael is played by Sam Worthington, who has made his mark in Hollywood as the 'it action guy.' Here he is soft and sensitive; though he still hasn't found a role his Australian accent didn't like. After the quarrel, Michael goes on another business trip away from the watching eyes of his wife and into the gaze of his would-be paramour.

Joanna (Keira Knightley) for her part has further issues to address: writing block afflicts her attempts on a follow-up novel. Confronting Michael has only served to compact her internal struggles to be creative. While clearing her head, she serendipitously bumps into a former flame (Guillaume Canet) who is here on business. Joanna and Alex decide to meet for dinner and drinks later. She's lonely and he's French. What could possibly go wrong?

Night jumps back-and-forth between the decisions made by Michael and Joanna. Ultimately, this is where the film reveals its major faults. Canet (who is the best of the four by far) and Knightley play cutesy while sipping expensive wine and lamenting about the past, while Mendes practically throws her panties at Michael in an attempt to feel better about herself. All sense of intrigue and seduction is thrown out the window, leaving room for force-fed sympathic stories of failed romance and questionable decision making. Speaking of such, one person strays, but I'll leave it to you to figure out who, between the Parisian or the Latina does the best wrecking ball impression.

The film, directed by Massy Tadjedin, relies on whether or not we care about these goodlooking people and their trivial problems. You can probably decide for yourselves what side I'm on. This would probably work as a short, but as a feature-length production it misses the mark severely. The city of New York is the real and only star here. As usual, the streets and cityscapes paint a stunning portrait that completely overshadows the people showcased within her. When you leave the theatre thinking of sidewalks, buildings, and housing arrangements, the message has been lost.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE II (FULL SEGMENT)



In 2009, the First Segment showed us that a crazed German doctor kidnapping three young adults and sewing anuses to mouth can add up to some captivating (and overly scrutinized) entertainment. The sequel--or Full Segment--was always rumoured to push the boundaries. Now news has come out that the film is being banned in the United Kingdom for, of all things, overally sexualizing the act of strangers pooping in one another's mouths.

In an odd turns of events, the United States, who is notorious for censoring the slightest "fuck" "shit" or nipple, has plans to release director Tom Six's film in the near future.

TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART I

The first trailer for the latest installment of the Twilight Saga (although when I think of saga, romantic vampires and werewolves are not what come to mind) is here, so all the preteen girls can finally sleep easy. The long-awaited annoying wedding of Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) is featured in all of its weird glory. The anticipated love scene teaches us that when vampires do the dew, they are super violent about it, as evidenced by Ed tearing the bed to shreds.

Also disconcerting is the fact that Bella's mom seems pretty content about her daughter marrying a blood sucking demon. And you wonder why she lives alone. Anyway, I'm not sure who the villain is in this one. Could be Michael Sheen, although oddly, he received a wedding invite. Perhaps Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) gets all lupine like and rips some throats. He's also loves Bella and is invited to the ceremony, which proves how much of a bitch Bella is.



Regardless, Breaking Down Part I hits theatres November 18, so get ready for some critically panned, money gorging, saccharine nonsense.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

After the red-band trailer leaked a few days ago (although, new rumours are floating around that the bootlegged copy was in fact staged), another look--this time a one-sheet of sorts for David Fincher's American version of the Swedish murder mystery.

They're certainly not shying away from the sex, thank Jebus. Below, you'll see Mikael Blomkvist (perfectly cast by Daniel Craig, I might add) embracing his partner-in-crime Lisbeth Salander (a completely unrecognizable Rooney Mara). Although it's a bit grainy, you may notice a slight nipple sighting. Before the transformation, Mara had no piercings whatsoever on her body. When Fincher--a notorious perfectionist--got through with her, Mara's ears, eyebrow, nose, lip, and the aforementioned nipples were all lanced.



The U.S. and Canada get first dibs come December 21, 2011, while those in Europe will have to wait until Boxing Day.

JUNE FILMS TO SEE

With the passing of Memorial Day here in the States, the unofficial start to summer is upon us. We're getting into the meat and potatoes of the big budget special effects laden flicks. Sprinkled throughout are a few indie gems to keep you honest.

June 3
X-Men: First Class
It makes my heart grin that this film is getting some serious reviews up to this point. I was a huge fan growing up: comics, cards, videogames, you name it. Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake) helms this iteration, which finds itself in the swinging 1960's, amid JFK and the Cuban Missile Crisis. Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy portray Magneto and Professor Xavier, and take off where Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart last left us (although they play their younger selves). They are joined by Beast (Nicholas Hoult), Banshee (Caleb Landry Jones), Havok (Lucas Till), Darwin (Edi Gathegi), Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence. Bam!), who must mind fuck and magnetize the likes of Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon), Emma Frost (January Jones. Bam!) and Azazel (Jason Flemying). They all have kick-ass powers that I want. Sigh.



See the rest that June has to offer after the break.